Love guy


2010.02.27 05:23 Meades_Loves_Memes r/teenagers

teenagers is the biggest community forum run by teenagers for teenagers. Our subreddit is primarily for discussions and memes that an average teenager would enjoy to discuss about. We do not have any age-restriction in place but do keep in mind this is targeted for users between the ages of 13 to 19. Parents, teachers, and the like are welcomed to participate and ask any questions!

2008.01.25 07:35 funny

Welcome to Funny, Reddit's largest humour depository.

2009.10.15 17:51 cinsere /r/trees - home of the ents

The go-to subreddit for anything and everything cannabis. From MMJ to munchies, from nugs to news, and everything between! The casual cannabis community

2020.11.30 02:14 astroweekndxo why do i still think of you

you manipulated and abused the hell out of me for about two years. i officially ended things with you a year ago but god knows we still communicated a few months after that. i was expecting a “happy birthday” earlier this month but i surprisingly didn’t receive one. i guess it’s because you know i was telling people how crazy you were for frequently trying to contact me via email after i blocked your number. i literally know you still lurk my social media sometimes because i see your burner account under my story viewers. i wonder how often you think of me and if you miss me at all. if you do miss me, do you miss the times i made you laugh or do you miss having someone to treat as your punching bag? but most of all, i wonder if you ever really loved me. i know everyone would tell me the answer was no, you didn’t love me. why? because if you love someone, you’d never hurt them the way you hurt me. but i think you’re just a very complex and insecure guy with severe anger issues. you really did act like you truly loved me on our good days and you’d never fail to show me off to the world. i wonder if it was genuine at all. i’m just so mad. i wanna get over you but i find myself going through your instagram every couple of months. worst of all, i find myself CONSTANTLY thinking about whether or not you would “approve” of my actions. i think, wow, if i was still with him, he wouldn’t let me go out to _. or he wouldn’t let me wear this. or he would get mad that i’d be struggling to quickly respond right now since i’m busy doing _. i still think about how you’d react to certain things and i absolutely hate it. i don’t want to think about you anymore. at all. you ruined my life, i’m literally traumatized and i am SO scared of trusting a guy like that again. you seemed like the perfect boyfriend at first and i cant even remember when or how things first started going downhill. what i do remember are the daily anxiety attacks i’d get after i’d do something so small that would irrationally send you off the rails. i hate myself and i feel so stupid for wondering whether you miss me or truly loved me at all, after all the brutal things you put me through. i hate you. this wasn’t supposed to happen.
submitted by astroweekndxo to UnsentLetters [link] [comments]

2020.11.30 02:13 AML2296 IM (M26) CAUGHT BETWEEN MY BEST FRIEND (F24) & FIANCE (F21)...

I've never done this before so my apologies for my sloppy platform.
I'll start with my best friend (Daniela) and our relationship. I met Daniela at a young age, I was 7 and she was 5. We met in foster care and were fostered by a few of the same families. So in my eyes shes always been a little sister to me. As kids she was the one who would get in trouble and I'd come save the day, as teenagers i was the one shed beat so much ass for and vise versa, as young adults our friendship really sparked and it was always me and Danny. Even when I got adopted and she didnt, we always made our friendship work. My adopted parents even made it to where I could go to school with her, even if she switched districts. When I turned 18 I went off to the Marines and she'd write me every chance she got and would make sure we stayed in touch. When I came home its like nothing changed. Even spent every holiday together. This girl is my ride or die as they say. (Short, dark hair, green eyes and athletic.)
Now there's my fiance (Maddy) and our relationship. I met maddy right before I left for the Marines. I was 18 and she was 13, now I know what you're thinking and its not like that. I was friends with her older brother whom also went into the military with me. When I came home for good she was 18 and right away started playing hard to get. (Probably not the best way to say that sentence) but she was always teasing me and dropping hints, so I finally told her enough of her childish shit and that I was taking her out on an actual date. Best date ever, we talked and laughed and it was like a match made in heaven. She committed right away and deleted every guy out of her life. I don't want to bore you with details inbetween so ill stick with, it was great for the first 3 years. (Tall, blonde hair, blue eyes and athletic.)
Then theres Daniela and Mandy's relationship. Danny didn't like Maddy from the beginning. She's all about first impressions and I guess maddy made a really bad one while I was overseas. Maddy hated danny as well, but that was because she's my best friend. Maddy hated that I was close to Danny and tried to start a fight ever chance she could with her so it came to the point Danny didn't want to come around. (Shes never been one for drama so I understood). It came to a point where i had to sneak around to hang out with Danny. It was that bad, but I get where Maddy was coming from. Right before we got together her ex cheated on her with a female friend, so being young and paranoid I understood, as did danny. Maddy would tell me she didn't want me being friends with Danny and danny would tell me she didn't want me with maddy because she was a liar and toxic asf.
The fight: Sooooo this is where my problem lies. Danny got into a fist fight with Maddy. Now let me tell you, it was coming for a long time. I love my fiance more than anything, but Danny has a temper and Maddy kept pushing the wrong buttons. We were at a little party and somehow family got brought up, Danny said "you and your entire family sucks" and Maddy said "at least I have a family) and it was game over. I've seen both girls get in fights before, but nothing like this. I had to pull Danny off multiple times, she was so upset. (Danny comes from a very abusive background and her family told her they didn't love her and eventually gave her and her twin brother up and maddy knows this). So yeah in the heat of the rage Danny stopped and said "its me or her..." this was 2 nights ago....
I love my best friend and this should be an obvious solution, but Maddy means the world to me. We have a house together, a business together, animals and everything inbetween. We've been talking about a family and everything. She makes me so happy and i dont want to lose her, but Danny is one foot out the door and either I find a way to fix this, lose one or both.... i need advice, please.
submitted by AML2296 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2020.11.30 02:12 Uniqueusername264 Plaster dust abatement

Hey guys, I’ve been removing a lot of lathe and plaster over the last week. It creates a tremendous amount of dust. I’ve sealed off the room with plastic and put a fan in the window to try to blow some of the airborne dust out. I’ve seen portable dust collectors at harbor freight. Would they help any or be just as effective as the fan in the window? If you have any tips I’d love to hear them.
submitted by Uniqueusername264 to HomeImprovement [link] [comments]

2020.11.30 02:12 pakiverse 29 M UK. Just here to chat with friends. I like talking about sexual experiences/fantasies. Would love to know if anyone out there is like me. Add me on snap if you have one ‘adamasspop’. Prefer UK guys.

Add me or PM ME.
submitted by pakiverse to gayfriendfinder [link] [comments]

2020.11.30 02:12 Galaxy_of_Eden My [29 F] long-distance girlfriend [24 F] has a friend [~24 M] who is in love with her, what do I do?

I (29 F) live in the US and my girlfriend (24 F) lives NZ, we've been together for six months and have known each other for close to two years.
We met through gaming (mainly d&d) and we are very happy together. One outside thing that bothers me is that a friend (~24 M) of hers is very much in love with her and has been a bit passive-aggressive with my gf. She is only into girls but still values his friendship.
The friend is going through a hard time but uses that to blame my girlfriend for not being there for him or more specifically is upset that in the campaign my girlfriend is DMing, he is not getting more personal plots brought up for his character. He threatened to quit the campaign for a time until the end boss but would only stay because it is the only thing that they have left of each other.
They were never dating, my gf has continually stated that she and I are in a serious relationship but I don't understand why this guy doesn't get that. I don't want to interfere with this friendship, but I'm very fed up with my girlfriend having to deal with this behavior. Should I confront him or continue to just be there to support my girl?
tl;dr: GF's friend is being passive-aggressive towards my GF and I don't know if i should confront or continue to stand back.
submitted by Galaxy_of_Eden to relationships [link] [comments]

2020.11.30 02:12 fxshay what love does

I was self reflecting and I think I found out why I've got mood swings... looking at what all I've been through it's very obvious that someone like me is finding love. To be appreciated. To talk to someone. To feel like someone that truly cares to call someone my friend and just to be happy.
Growing up in a family that fought so often because of lack of resources. I have never seen my mom and if she were to stand right in front of me I'd have no feelings for her.
From the what I remember from my earliest childhood memories, I remember watching tv one afternoon and my family members started to argue on top of their voice. So I walked outside of the house and saw my neighbors kids looking at me so I went away from their sight. My father wasn't educated enough to support me. So he stayed with his parents and I was living in my grandparents home. I dont remember a time I was given a gift or someone actually hugged and kissed me and said I love you shay. You're the best thing that has happened to me.
If someone actually read this after I told them that food was put on the table and I didnt go to sleep with an empty stomach I'd be called a snowflake and a ungrateful person.
Even though I ate enough and had meals to take with for lunch at school I'd still hear the same old taunts at home "safin aur safin keh Ladka loong agar nahi Rehta tab haamog ke gindigi aasie nahi rehta" translation: if safin and his kids didnt exist our life would've been a whole lot better"
I had attempted suicide twice and tried running away from home. I get this thoughts of jumping of a bridge and just drowning because that's least painful and I cant swin.
Moving to school, I cant say I can call anyone my friend. I dont think anyone wanted to be my friend. I tried so hard to fit in but... it never happened. I will never understand why people didnt want to be my friend.
Moved to college same shit. Tried to blend in and didnt make any friends. Did it really suck to be me???? Was I really that awful???? Loneliness was getting to me.
My first gf was nazleen. I liked her since 7th grade and finally in college she started to date me but then she was flirting with other guys so I broke up with her in my first year of college. This was in 2013.
Nothing changed for me. I still didnt have any friends and then in 2015, this girl brienetta she asked me to get Instagram and we started to talk. And then she started to send me post like "hands down you're my favorite person" knowing what I'd been through emotionally and mentally, what she said and me and her hanging out only made me like her alot. She was healing my scars and it became my drug. So I confessed my feelings for her I told her I like her alot and after I asked for her response she said "mushniess" we continued to talk til early morning and walked together to the bus stand after school everyday. I hated fridays because I wouldn't get to see her for 2 days
Shit went downhill for her and I got ghosted. That fucked me mentally. We stopped talking and then in 2018 she follows me and messages me and from that point onwards we started talking alot and ofc something went wrong and I stopped talking to her AGAIN !!! When someone becomes your source of happiness it's like a drug that you cannot possibly be get rid of because they're healing all your scars and leaving them will break your heart, your soul and mental and thats exactly what happened to in 2020. I still liked brienetta. We were going back and forth and then in late 2019 I found out she had a boyfriend all along. I spent almost $1000 on her. Bought her a new phone when mine was embarrassing enough not to take out in public that's how bad my phone was I also give her 100 bucks and paid her traveling fees for the entire month after I figured out she was walking to work under the hot sun. My brother asked where my iPhone 8+ ( which I bought from my own money from working )i told him I sold it and bought a phone for brienetta. Since he was working with her he said "shes been kissing a guy for the past month" i asked her if it was the truth she said yes. This girl led me on since 2015 to 2020. 5 years. 5 long years.
So in conclusion I figured out why I was like i was. I lacked basic emotional needs and when someone started to fill my cup, they became my source of happiness and when things didnt go like it used to it affected me and it then affects them. I have made up my mind that I dont deserve to be around anyone because of what I've been through because once I start to get attached to someone, that person becomes my source of happiness and I dont wanna hurt them. Theres something wrong with me.
submitted by fxshay to love [link] [comments]

2020.11.30 02:11 shanmustafa what do you guys think of this model for determining contenders/superteams

i think a true traditional contender usually consists of superstastaallstar (caliber) player
so lets assign them points
superstar - 3
star - 2
allstar (caliber) - 1
so 6 points
lets just look at some of the types of contenders we've seen
LeBron - Superstar - 3 points
Kyrie - Star - 2
Love - Allstar (caliber) - 1
6 points
two superstars
LeBron/Shaq - Superstar - 3 poins
AD/Kobe - Superstar - 3 points
kinda why i wasn't worried about "who's the lakers third guy tho.."
superteams in this era
08 Celtics
KG - superstar - 3 points
Pierce/Ray - stars - 2 points ea
7 total points, so they went above the 6, which would put them at superteam
2011 Heat
Bron/Wade - Superstar - 6 points
Bosh - Star - 2 points
8 total points
which is why after starting 9-8, they finished the season going 49-16 with an absolute garbage roster around them
Warriors with KD
KD/Steph - Superstars - 6 points
Klay/Dray - Stars - 4 points
10 total
this is kinda era dependent.. like in the 90s there weren't teams that had superstastaallstar(caliber) on their teams, only one or two did
so a team with Jordan, Pippen, horace and then Rodman, i do think would be a superteam
you could i guess also add a point or half a point for coach
a debate would be how to determine what a player is, that's up to the individual person i guess
there are exceptions, but i do think this model works pretty well.. what do you guys think?
submitted by shanmustafa to nba [link] [comments]

2020.11.30 02:11 Voideteer Tips?

First off, I want to say that I finally played the Dragonborn DLC, and it was amazing. Loved all the lovecraftian influence throughout it. So, I'm a vampire lord orc (weird combo, I know), and got all the dragon priest mass in Solstheim (loved the Azhidal questline), and got the 50% fire bonus. Also have the Eurodite ring (does it actually regen magicka in normal form?), so currently am missing stamina regen. Although I will soon cleanse myself of vampirism for a while, I want to know what you guys recommend. Currently have: Ebony armor, Ebony boots with frost protection (overkill, but am practically immortal against Frost Dragons), heavy chitin armguards, Azhidal's mask, Eurodite ring and the bat necklace.
submitted by Voideteer to skyrim [link] [comments]

2020.11.30 02:11 Oceanicie Total Drama Stereotypes Ep 1. Storyline / Fanfic

Sorry for the late post on episode one. I've just started writing for the fanfic for this season. Most likely Ep. 2 would be finished tomorrow and then I will start the daily to around 3 day cycle through the season. I'm very excited for this! - Oceanicie
Chris is standing on the life-size replica of Wawanakwa Island, made with the funds (stolen money) after the whole fracking incident after All-Stars. He and Chef are very excited to wreak havoc over 24 returning contestants who came not by choice, but over the contract, he wrote with them in their respective seasons. The cast members all arrive on one boat, but in separate rooms, so no one can scope out their competition just yet.
Chris and Chef Hatchet are waiting on the mat as the boat pulls up to the new actually functional dock. Chris gets the thumbs up from the captain and begins to announce the cast. From the original cast, Bookworm Noah, Training Dummy Tyler, Queen Bee Heather, Loveable Incompetent Lindsay, Goth Girl Gwen, and Spanish Stallion Alejandro.
These old cast members file out and stand on the player’s mat are mostly complaining about how they have to play again. Next, Chris announces the ROTI cast members, Mechanic Maestro B, Slightly Immuno-Stronger Cameron, Sweatpants Jo, Mildly Basic Zoey, Shark Infested, Phobia Scott, Rich Girl Dakota, and Football Legend Lightning! The seven competitors walk off the boat and onto the mat Lightning, Jo, Zoey, Cameron, and Scott talk with the other cast members who were on the original All-Stars and wait for the next slough of competitors to enter.
Chris then announced that while most of them were recovering from injuries in their respective seasons, two more happened and there would be another 11 competitors in this season. Now introducing the Pakhitew Island Cast. Serial Killer Scarlett, Aussie Jasmine, Sugar SILO Sugar, Crazy Wizard Leonard, Mini-Chris Topher, and Depressed Dave! Everyone is shocked to see so many new faces, but they all know that this group was only a quarter of this cast.
After, Chris announced while resentful the Ridonculous Race cast. He didn’t want these people but the producers were all over a cross over between Chris and Don, even though Don would never be featured on the season. Welcome to Law School Sass Emma, HateDater Ryan, Fashionista Jen, Buff Surfer Brody, and Insane Ice Dancer Josee!
Now that everyone has been introduced, Chris tells them the theme of their teams, what the fans think of them! They will all be placed in 4 categories, Brains, Brawns, Brats, or Beauty. The cast members are surprised to see the fact of four teams in the mix.
The Brains team is Gwen, Emma, Noah, Cameron, B, and Scarlett. The Brawns team is Zoey, Lightning, Tyler, Jo, Jasmine, and Brody. The Brats team is Heather, Josee, Sugar, Dave, Leonard, and Scott. Finally, the Beauty team is Alejandro, Lindsay, Jen, Topher, Ryan, and Dakota. The teams find themselves together and some complain, but Chris gives the whole excuse of this is how Canada sees you, so no changes!
Chris then says that there are now two extra disgusting cabins, so everyone can sleep with their tribes and not with random strangers, yay! The teams go to their cabins and unpack, the teams talk among themselves seeing everyone’s vibe. Gwen and Emma bonded a lot because of how weird Scarlett is. Sugar and Leonard are still besties from ever, and Lindsay won’t call Alejandro anything other than Jalapeno. Jen is just out of her place because well she pretty much just did her blog with Tom and squealed her whole time in RR.
After a couple of hours of meet and greet, Chris through the megaphone screams for all the teams to head down to the dock for a water challenge. When the teams arrive, Chris explains how it will be a swimming challenge. Each member must swim out and untie a set of bags to then swim back and use those bags to solve a puzzle. Noah, Jen, Zoey, and Leonard decide to do the puzzle while the rest of them have to swim.
The challenge begins and the first divers dive to grab their bag. The Brawns are rather fast with Jasmine and Brody being very fast. Brats are also doing well, Josee ripping through the water. Beauty trying to not ruin their hair is rather slow, but Alejandro and Ryan were quick. Brains are struggling though, B and Cameron having a very hard time in the water.
Once the teams finish swimming for bags the puzzle members begin. Noah and Leonard are doing well on the puzzle while Zoey and Jen are struggling. Noah finishes first coming back from a huge setback in the water! Leonard surprisingly finished second and didn’t use magic (even more surprising). Zoey and Jen are neck and neck, but Zoey finished third but should’ve done a lot better with the lead their team had. Sadly this means the Beauty Tribe finished last and must vote out someone at tonight’s campfire ceremony.
Back at the cabins, the beauty tribe chats about whom to vote off, Alejandro leads the brigade with Ryan to get everyone to vote out Dakota for being very annoying, but the girls are all thinking of voting Topher for the same exact reason. Topher is on the fence thinking he might vote with the guys or vote his own way to see what would happen in the end.
The team walks into the ceremony and Chris has a plate with 5 marshmallows on it. The team sits down on their respective logs, but Chris has a huge announcement to make. None of them would be casting a vote tonight. Everyone gasped and Alejandro asked why. Chris then explained that since this season is so involved about the fans, they would be casting votes to send whom they want home. Everyone gasped even more. Chris then stated that the votes had already been tallied and he will now start giving out marshmallows.
The first marshmallow goes to Lindsay, next to Alejandro. The third marshmallow goes to Dakota. This leaves 2 left. The next marshmallow goes to, Topher. This leaves Jen and Ryan. Jen, you messed up the puzzle and cost your team the win. Ryan your excessive pec and muscle loving is somewhat gross to the fans, so please stop. The final marshmallow goes to Ryan. Jen is the first competitor eliminated from Total Drama Stereotypes.
Chris then shows the team to the new elimination method, The Slide of Shame. Alejandro, Lindsay, Topher, Ryan, and Dakota line up next to the slide as they watch Jen climb up. Jen is crying through her ascent thinking that Canada would be on her side thinking she could have been an underdog this season. She states her goodbye message, “At least I was on the pretty tribe even though not for long.” and then slid down the massive slide into the ocean. Jen - 24th Place.
submitted by Oceanicie to Totaldrama [link] [comments]

2020.11.30 02:10 mfuhhhh Did you actually love me, because im wondering now where did i stand in your life.

After reading a post here, something hit me, i just remembered how the person you are dating now, have been trying to make you break up with me. When i asked about it you told me it wasnt an issue, so i didnt confront him and believed you were able to handle it yourself. But now that information bothers me more because what if you didnt really loved me at all, what he took advantage of our break up to get closer to you and to eventually take you as his, what if all this while he has been doing that just to manipulate you into making me seem like the bad guy?
submitted by mfuhhhh to offmychest [link] [comments]

2020.11.30 02:10 No_Camp1281 Do I even bother telling her how I feel m 23

TLDR: red flags make me want to ask her what she wants but I don’t want to pressure her but I also don’t want to waste anymore time
Soo long story short I met this girl on tinder who did not seem interested in me in the slightest but we kept talking anyways, I’m not a suave or charming guy so I couldn’t figure out why she was still talking to me even tho she sounded so disinterested and dry. So I kept leaving her on read when she’d be like that but she would always always always double text me so I kept taking back.
Then we got to the point where we expressed mutual feelings and decided to be exclusive( at this point we’ve been talking for about 5 months or so and never met yet cuz we live an hour apart). Eventually the dryness and uninterested feeling had me thinking maybe she really doesn’t like me soo I made a tinder trying to talk to new people cuz at the time she was being extra dry like so I thought that was my cue. Only to find out her grandpa actually died that week and I felt bad. But the only reason I found out was cuz I felt bad about making a tinder I told her and she blew up on me and told me what was happening with her. So ff we talk it out and we’re good.
Then prolly a month after that I was jc so I went back on tinder to see if I could find her with my real profile and sure as shit I found her. And at the time I didn’t know tinder only shows active users so I thought maybe she didn’t delete it from when I started talking to her but I couldn’t bring myself to call her out on it as I did the same thing when she was hurting bad. And to this day it eats at me everyday and now I feel like it’s way too late to say anything now.
But ff another few months we actually plan a date for the first time. Tbh I haven’t been on a actual dates so I didn’t know what to do so I ordered her fav food and we and went to a dark park at night and we ate our cold ass food on cold as park benches at a sketchy ass park lol. But I was in bliss like for every second I got to hold and be with her I loved every second of it. So from there we try to hang out every weekend but there’s been red flags and I’m not sure what to do...
Like the first one is she went to a Halloween party at her friends like 3 hrs from where she lives and that whole day she was dodging me like and then what really pissed me off was she said her snap wasn’t working :). I’m not dumb to think oh her snap just happens not to work when she’s at a party ;) ohhhhkay but I knew if I called her out she’d just flip it on me so like any other dude I held that shit in just so there wouldn’t be any problems. So we usually always call each other baby, babe and other nicknames but a few weeks ago we got into a arguement over dating and how we’ve been talking for a whole ass year and we’re not dating yet, but I guess she did tell me when we became exclusive she said she wasn’t ina rush for a relationship and how we’re just “chillin” and idk what about that word but everytime she says it it always piss me off cuz it feels like we ain’t even talking like I’m sum dude in her dms and idk it really annoys me. But anyways when I told her why we not dating she snapped a lil bit and said why can’t I just chill and go with the flow. And since that argument a few weeks ago things feel different.
She don’t call me babe or any nicknames anymore, I don’t feel the need to reply to immediately, there’s no emotion or any type of feeling in our texts and I hate it. I want to just lay it out on the table all my questions and concerns about us and how I’m not going to wait forever for her but I just don’t want to fuck things up with someone else again and assume she lost feelings or talking to other people, I honestly want to just ask her if she has any intent of dating cuz if not why don’t we cut it off here but I don’t want to seem needy or pressure her but I’ve spent a year of my life on this one girl. I don’t want to spend more time and fully develop feelings if she’s just going to become a stranger to me.
submitted by No_Camp1281 to dating_advice [link] [comments]

2020.11.30 02:09 neemleaves Do you know any female arab poets?

Ahlein! Do you guys know of any women poets from the 20th century and prior? Or honestly any era/century :/ I love arabic poetry but it's always from a masculine perspective or in the masculine voice (naguib mahfouz, darwish, qabbani, 3antar etc) I'm not picky about topics, just looking to discover new poetry and writing!
ندور على شعراء نساء من العالم عربي لو سمحتوا — نفضل انهم يكونوا من "ايام العصر الجميل" و ما قبل بس حابة نقرأ جميع مقترحاتكم ✨
submitted by neemleaves to arabs [link] [comments]

2020.11.30 02:09 CallMeStarr THE GREAT ORDINARY

I used to get the sexy Hollywood types like Keanu Reeves, Brad Pitt and Kid Rock, you know, the long hair skinny types; but as I’ve gotten older and fatter (still got a head full of hair at least) my lookalikes have gotten worse. They’ve downgraded, if you will. These days I’m lucky to get Gary Busey, Ozzy, or if the moon is in its correct orbital path, Christopher Walken. Or sometimes, Dave.
I was the chef at a cozy little joint called Birdsong Bistro, best chili in Frisco if you ask me, and I played drums in a band called Rickie and the Renegades, making pretty good green. Nothing fancy, but getting by. One night, me and some bandmates met up at a dive bar called The Arena, a real shithole. I don’t know why I like those kinda places, I just do. Maybe it’s the privacy; nobody gives a rat’s asshole about you at The Arena, plus they’ve got the best jukebox in town. Things got weird fast.
I arrived first. The bar was lined with barstools, each one filled; a Coors Light sign was flashing on and off next to the 49ers mural behind the bar; other sports paraphernalia (mostly 49ers) hung haphazardly throughout the dimly lit bar. I spotted a vacant booth at the back.
“Brett! Good to see ya.” Kimmy the Bartender said. Kimmy was a fine bartender. One of the best. She was like a hummingbird. Always moving, talking fast, never stopping. A real piece of work. “Whatcha having tonight, Brett?”
“Beer and whiskey, Kimmy. Make it a double.”
I was about to strike up a conversation but she’d run off to another booth, so I removed my jacket (the one your mother bought for me) and looked around the bar; a group of factory workers, still in their work clothes, were sitting at the booth adjacent to mine yelling obscenities and throwing peanuts at the TV, something about the Warriors; one bounced and landed on my head, so I ate it. George Thorogood came on. "Wanna tell you a story, ‘bout the house rent blues.” Yeah, I was diggin’ it. I was feeling better than I had in years. I was thinking about finally opening up my own restaurant. Be my own boss. Make your mother proud. Kimmy shot over with drinks, took my money, smiled, then flew off.
I was sipping on my Jack, drumming to the music, loosening up, feeling the room, watching paychecks being spent; Kimmy catches it all and is back before you can say Long Island Iced Tea. I looked at my phone. Where the hell are they? These joints won’t smoke themselves. Or will they? I gave Kimmy the signal, you know, going out for a smoke. I stepped out of the booth, grabbed my jacket and headed for the door. An attractive Spanish woman was sitting at the booth by the door talking on her phone, staring straight at me. She looked terrified. So did the woman next to her. They watched in utter anguish as I passed them and left the bar, forgetting them instantly.
The parking lot was littered with stragglers lounging about; it was still early, the freaks come out at night. I reached for my phone, They’re late. I decided against texting them. No one likes a whiny texter. I sauntered behind the plaza and sparked up a joint, took a good long toke and got lost inside memories. I remembered the night you were born. I was on my way to a gig that night when your mother called me. I remembered the last time I saw you; how beautiful you looked, so small and fragile and safe, life was good then. I walked the long way around the building and finished a cigarette and then bought a fresh pack at the 7-11. When I stepped back into the Arena, Folsom Prison Blues was playing on the juke box, I hear the train a-comin. I spotted Erika talking up a storm with Kimmy by the bar and headed to the booth where Tyrone and Dave were having an argument.
“Damn, brother. Where you been?” Tyrone says to me. He’s pimped out in his brown Stetson hat, checkered suite jacket, white collared shirt with the top four buttons down, gold cross dangling around his muscled neck.
“Eat my ass, T.”
“Woah bro, that’s some fightin’ words you sayin’. You lucky you a drummer. And why’d you drag me to this old folk’s bar anyway? Ain’t no dancin’ or girlies here. Just a bunch of ugly-assed
old folks. Um, no offence.” His slippery smile boasted a perfect set of pearly white’s.
Dave got up and left for a smoke without saying a word. Dave was tall and lanky with full beard and short brown hair. As Dave got up to leave Erika returned with drinks.
“That’s my girl,” Tyrone says.
Erika had blue hair, nice thighs and visible tattoos. She was just opening her mouth to speak when the door swung open and seven cops raced into the bar, guns drawn, heading straight toward me. The lead officer smashed my head against the table BAM and pointed his gun at my head.
“Keep your hands where I can see them!”
Immediately, I was handcuffed. I heard the cops screaming orders at me but everything sounded under water. I don’t know how many times my head was slammed against the table, but it was plenty. I remember saying something clever. Bad idea. The next thing I know I’m being hauled outside, thrown against a cop car, searched very thoroughly, thrown into a cop car, and asked the same questions over and over until we reached the police station, where they took my mugshot and fingerprints before throwing my sorry ass in a holding cell. Fortunately, not for long. Unbeknownst to me, Tyrone, Dave and Erika were answering their own questions and they smoothed things out in a hurry. Apparently, Pretty Spanish Lady thought I was the asshole who mugged her at gunpoint the previous night. I wasn’t. Just another lookalike. Good thing I had solid alibi that time, right? And just like that I was back on the street two hours later with a heck of a story. Check that one off the bucket list.
Turns out, that incident was just the soundcheck, the pre-show, the opening act if you will. The Birdsong Bistro closed and I was out of work. Just like that. And all my gigs were cancelled. Bills started pilling up fast. Let’s face it, the summer of 2020 was a nightmare, especially in Cali. My car got sold, my drums were pawned, my savings depleted and your mother was threatening me with her lawyer. I was running out of options. I considered putting my Glock into my mouth and pulling the trigger, that’s how bad things got. But then I received that wonderful call from Rickie; he found work in Palmetto, Florida. And just like that, I’m off to the Sunshine State.
Me, Tyrone, Dave and Erika hopped into Rickie’s Econoline van and hauled ass out of Frisco and drove straight to Palmetto, hardly ever stopping. Needless to say, I took to Florida like shit on shiny carpet. I made dinner right away. Rickie claims the real reason he hired an old fart like me was for my cooking. We unpacked what little we had and headed to a club called Master Gator’s, our first gig. The place was sparsely packed, the radio was playing rockabilly and everybody was lit. At some point, I glanced up at one of the TVs above the bar and did a double take, spitting my beer all over Tyrone’s black button-up shirt.
“Hey, you asshole!”
I pointed. There I was on the TV. I read the subtitles: Armed Robbery Suspect Wanted Across State of Florida. The man on the screen could have easily passed for my twin brother. Except, I was better looking.
“That dude looks just like you,” Tyson said, matter-of-factly.
And just like that my face was gone, replaced by a vacuum commercial which apparently sucked.
We played six nights a week and loved every minute of it, but by the end of the first month the honeymoon was over. The promoter stiffed us (surprise, surprise) and your mother’s lawyer was threatening me again (surprise, surprise) and I was flat broke. I couldn’t pay my way into church, let alone a cup of coffee. I thought about that guy on TV again, my twin, maybe he was my ticket. I bet I could walk into any bank in Florida wearing a mask and rob those sonsofbitches and he would take the fall. I looked at my Glock, whatcha think Baby? You up for it?
I searched the internet until I found the guy; his name was Axel Roberts. I found a pic of him standing beside a blue Ford pickup truck, wearing a greasy tank top with white suspenders and shit-stained overalls—a real dirtbag. I could totally pass for this dude. I went downtown to case a couple joints. Just in case. When I returned to the house later that afternoon Tyrone was shirtless, waiving pink panties over his head, beer bottles were scattered all over the floor and the fridge was left open and all my beer was gone. Something inside me snapped. That’s when I decided to rob the bank. Right away. Before I lost my nerve.
That night I dreamed of the old west. I was a cowboy, Billy the Kid, and I was being chased by angry men on furious horses. I kept riding. I rode and rode toward the flickering sun; my horse kicking up clouds of warm desert sand as I squinted to see ahead. The day was as hot a pig in a frying pan. Don’t tell your friends that one. They were gaining on me. A bullet struck my shoulder and I tell you, Kat, it hurt. Even in my dream, it hurt. Next thing I know, I’m eating dirt and bleeding everywhere. Standing over me, casting a tall shadow, was the Sheriff. The Sheriff's pointed badge glistened under the hot sun; the long-rounded barrel of his Winchester rifle fit nicely under my chin. He gazed at me with hard-blue eyes, cold as blue steel, and finally spoke, “Got any last words, Pardner?” I tried to speak but my mouth was dry.
“Thanks alright, Son. Now yer gonna die.”
I watched as his long anxious finger twitched over the trigger.
His smile was long and sharp. CLICK.
I snapped open my eyes and screamed. A dream, I thought, relieved. I felt a warm patch on my crotch. Jeez, did I piss myself? I was coming unglued. I cleaned myself up, scarfed down a bowl of cereal, drank three cups of coffee and checked for any news on Axel Roberts and found nothing. My look-a-like had been quiet lately, too quiet. But that was about to change. I wore a plain black tee-shirt, black cargo pants, black cloth mask and black shoes; hell, I was the Man in fucking Black. I took the van and parked it two blocks south of Wells Fargo bank. I felt for my gun in my knapsack, making sure it was nice and loaded. Just in case. I left the van doors unlocked. No worries. Who would be dumb enough to steal a van in broad daylight?
Soon I found myself standing outside the bank, frozen with fear, trying to remind myself why I was here in the first place. This is it; last chance to turn back. My heart was beating like a bass drum at a hip-hop concert. Fear and doubt were creeping in. I slowly opened the door and stepped inside. The bank was long and straight and cluttered with bright blue signs announcing great deals on mortgages, interest rates and all that jazz. Hand sanitizer everywhere. A handful of people in the bank. I found the end of the line and waited, keeping social distance. The people ahead of me were either staring awkwardly at their phones or staring at their shoes, or both. Every one of them was wearing a mask. To me, they all looked like bank robbers. Nobody noticed me. I held tightly to my duffle bag, feeling the Glock pressed against my stomach, took a deep breath, waited. My left leg started vibrating profusely and my hands were shaking; I couldn’t stop them. I was starting to panic. I decided to abort. What the hell was I doing here? There’s no way I can stick up a bank. Not in Florida. Every. Person. In. This. Bank. Is. Packing. Heat. Everyone was staring at me. They Knew.
I tried to gain control of myself.
I looked up.
“Ready to take the next customer.”
At that moment I wished I’d put more thought into this. I was petrified. I gathered my nerve and walked to the counter. I can do this. The teller, a string bean looking man with sandy brown hair pulled back into a manbun and glasses that kept fogging up, was looking at me with little interest. His face twitched as he adjusted his face mask for the third time. Another teller walked past him counting cash then disappeared behind a blue door. When I tried to speak, nothing came out except gibberish.
“I beg your pardon?”
I took out my gun and pointed it at him. His eyes popped out of his head.
“Keep your mouth shut and do as I say.”
The teller stood there like a fool.
“Make one funny move and I’ll blow your brains through the roof. I want as much money as you can give me in sixty seconds. And it better be a lot.”
The teller looked as brave as the Cowardly Lion. I almost felt sorry for him.
“You got fifty seconds left. Go Now.”
He grabbed some envelopes and went for cash. I was certain he sounded the alarm. I was terrified. I thought of you, Kat. How wonderful it would be to have some money to spend on you again. My hands steadied. The teller reappeared with four envelopes of cash. I grabbed them greedily. I tried to think of something clever to say but couldn’t, probably a good thing, right? I stuffed my Glock and the envelopes into my knapsack and headed for the exit. I was almost home free. Everyone in the bank was avoiding eye contact, social distancing, making this much easier than it ought to be. When I reached the exit, I felt a hand grab my shoulder. This is it, I turned around slowly, reaching for my gun, and saw an elderly man wearing a MAGA mask holding out an envelope.
“You dropped this, young feller.”
I reached for the envelope. It was wonderfully heavy.
His old eyes squinted, looked me up and down and he said “You know Son, you look a lot like my nephew David. I bet...”
I left. The sirens were getting louder so I picked up the pace, finally reaching the spot where the van should have been, but wasn’t. I called an Uber.
I was as nervous as a Spinal Tap drummer that night, but I still rocked three forty-five-minute sets and did a helluva job. Erika was blowing that ‘bone, Rickie dancing on tables, Tyrone locked in tight on bass and Dave tickling his black Strat. The trouble started during set break.
The Men’s restroom smelled like a dozen dirty dicks. I went and did a couple lines in the stall, I deserve this; halfway through my second bump I heard a couple men enter. They sounded tough.
“You sure he’s down here?” One guy says.
The other guy says, “Yup. Saw him come down here a minute ago.”
Tap. Tap. Tap.
“Hey! You in there, Pal?”
Tap. Tap. Tap.
“C’mon Pal. We ain’t got all day.”
Tap. Tap. Tap.
I swung the stall open, chest out, making myself seem bigger than I really was.
“Yup. That’s the motherfucker.”
I had a second to register the two bikers standing in front of me: the short one was wearing a greasy blue bandana, crazy long beard and neck tattoos; the taller man, shaved head and lines chiselled into his hideously weathered face, was holding a long switchblade knife.
“I’m gonna carve you up good, you dirty motherfucker.”
He lunged at me, knife first; I fell backwards and cracked my head on the toilet seat. I saw stars. I started swinging my fists and feet like an idiot, toilet water splashing everywhere, when I heard the shorter man say, “Woah! Woah! Woah! That ain’t him!”
He looked almost as stupid and confused as I did.
“Jeez, Pal, I almost carved you up good.”
The taller guy reached out his hand and eventually I took it. He put away his knife, I heard the SWOOSH as the blade disappeared back into its handle. He grinned and patted me on the shoulder.
“You’re lucky, Pal. Thought you was someone else.” He studied me for a moment and added, “Hey, anyone tell you, you look like what’s his name, you know? That guy from that movie?”
“Fuck off.”
Shorty laughed. “Wise guy. I like him. Here.” He pulled out his wallet, “Buy yourself a drink.”
He dropped a fiver on the floor and the pair of goons fled. After cleaning myself up, I headed up the long dark stairwell and bought myself that drink. It tasted better than sex. Tyrone spotted me at the bar and his demeanor changed at once.
“Don’t ask.”
“You’re one strange cat. You know that?” He drank. “But you one helluva drummer. You also lucky Brett, you know that? Lucky.”
He winked then pointed to the TV. Axel Roberts was being arrested.
That night I sat alone in my room counting the cash in the envelopes. There was almost $20,000. Problems solved. I was expecting some green powder to spring out all over me, or the money to be counterfeit or traceable somehow, but the money was legit. Benjamin Franklin never looked so fine. I stashed the money in my gym bag and spent the rest of the night wondering how the hell I pulled it off.
If things had gone according to plan, I would have opened my own restaurant and me and you and your mother would have lived happily every after; but as you know, Kat, that didn’t happen. Life had other plans. Instead I’m writing you from San Quentin, waiting on death row. They tell me they haven’t executed anyone since 2006, but these bastards want to make a point out of me; see what happens to cop killers? I bet they know I’m innocent. They just don’t care, but that’s politics, right? Nothing personal. Anyway, rant over. Now, where was I?
It was an awkward flight back to Frisco but I paid your mother a pile of cash and suddenly everything was cool again. Things couldn’t have worked out any better. Or so I thought. A week after returning home I woke up to banging on the door. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Who the hell could that be? I put on some pants and made my way to the front door, wiping the sleep from my eyes. BANG. BANG. BANG.
“Hold on, hold on.”
I spied out the little hole in the door and froze. It was the cops; five of them, at least.
“Open up.”
I remembered the cash under my mattress. They did it. They caught me. Fuck.
“Open up—This is the police. We see you through the spy hole—Open up now.”
I opened the door and was immediately subdued; good thing I’ve had practice at this. They forced me to my knees and cuffed me. They weren’t gentle. They were pointing guns at my face. Did I actually think I would get away with it? There were cameras everywhere. You can’t get away with farting in the breeze anymore, let alone robbing a bank in broad-fucking daylight.
“Are you Brett Turner?”
“Yes, officer.”
“Is this your residence?”
“Yes, officer.”
“Where were you last Tuesday night?”
“Last Tuesday night. Where were you?”
Last Tuesday? Last Tuesday night I was watching Netflix in my boxers while eating leftover birthday cake on top a pile of stolen cash. What the hell did last Tuesday have to do with anything? I was more confused than scared at this point.
“We have video footage of you at the protest Tuesday evening, firing shots into a crowd and killing at least two civilians and an officer. We’re placing you under arrest on two counts of second-degree murder and one count of first-degree murder.”
“You have the right to remain silent.”
submitted by CallMeStarr to stories [link] [comments]

2020.11.30 02:07 Secure-Chemistry1986 I(23m) experience those strange "living in another scenarios" moments,what is this ?

In the first place,I want to tell you that It's very possible to suffer from depression.My former therapist said that I have depressive tendencies.
After a lot of documentation I realised that it's possible to suffer from high-functioning depression.In short,I feel very empty inside and I'm not taking pleasure in any activity.
My problem may sound strange and it's hard to explain,but I'l give it a try.
I have those moments in which I live in different scenarios for a few moments. For example seeing an old man would trigger a scenario in my head were I would be lonely all my life and I will live in misery.
Even in the good times,encountering a trigger would make me to live a moment from my childhood for example which wasn't necessarily bad or traumatic,but I will associate it with loneliness,monotony and sadness.It hurts,it hurts a lot because mentally it feels very real.Those "triggered" memories brings me a cascade of bad emotion and thoughts.
Another example is linked to the road to home.Seeing some old buildings immediately would make me to remember how lonely I felt while walking in that place and how no one is at home.Or if I walk beside those buildings and an abandoned apartement will appear,I will immediately imagine myself as an old guy sitting in the apartment being lonely and unhappy.
Hell,even practicing my hobbies became somewhat awful. As a electronics enthusiast,everytime when I work,I feel as a boring human being who would end up alone with his stupid circuits,devices and ideas.Imagining a weird scientist who died alone in his old lab.
I have an awesome Gf,I love her very much,we are living together(but the emptiness and loneliness still persists).I don't consider my childhood very bad,even if it had it's unpleasant moments.
The thought of her leaving me plagues me to the bone because I remember how alone I was before being with her and how bad everything it felt.
I don't know if this is a real condition or if is linked to my probable depression or it's normal.
TL:DR:I live in some kind of weird,easy to trigger scenarios were I imagine myself miserable and it brings me a cascade of bad thoughts and feels.
submitted by Secure-Chemistry1986 to mentalillness [link] [comments]

2020.11.30 02:07 crowruin 25/PST/California/PC - Overwatch QP Role Queue/Path of Exile, Last Epoch & Anime/Movies/Music

Hi! Im looking for chill people to play with NA ONLY and +20 also please don't invite me to big discord servers.
I AM NOT INTERESTED IN COMP (so please don't add me if you wanna play comp)
Battlenet: Status#11808
Discord: Status#8525
I only play Quick play role queue since I dont give a shit about comp anymore.
I main Ana/Zen (almost 800hrs between just them) I recently have picked up Baptiste and hes really fun I also play Moira here and there.
I am very chill and don't rage but I tend to get loud when I make a hype play.
here is a list of stuff im into to start a convo if you have similar interests :)
Anime - Bleach, Dragon ball Z/Super, Attack on titan, One Punch Man, Clannad, Magic Knight Rayearth, Kite, Perfect Blue, Sword Art Online, School days, Akame Ga Kill.
Movies - The Raid Redemption/The Raid 2, Coherence, Triangle, John Wick movies, Marvel Movies, Dragon ball Super Broly, The Guest, I saw the Devil, The man from nowhere, Whiplash, The Place beyond the pines, Baby Driver, Drive, A quiet place, Parasite, Train to Busan, The Villainess, Ong-bak, Merantau, The Matrix Movies, Prisoners, Enemy, Nightcrawler, The Night comes for us, Seoul Station, First Love, Audition.
Music - Sik-k, Dido, Eminem, Utada, Boa (uk band), DEAN, DPR Live, Selena, 2NE1, Jay Park
TV Show - The Boys, Malcolm in the Middle, The Simpson, King of the Hill, Family Guy, South Park
submitted by crowruin to GamerPals [link] [comments]

2020.11.30 02:06 jackminda1994 Upcoming Dance shows between DEC 21st - Jan 3rd

Hi Guys, I wondered if anyone had recommendations to modern dance shows around the above time frame, I'm Trying to find a christmas present for a friend, who loves dancing.
submitted by jackminda1994 to sydney [link] [comments]

2020.11.30 02:05 Quoiphish Hi! Professional dog handler here! I see lots of questions about dog shows (especially after Thanksgiving). Do you guys have any questions? I would love to answer them! This is Tank, my son.

Hi! Professional dog handler here! I see lots of questions about dog shows (especially after Thanksgiving). Do you guys have any questions? I would love to answer them! This is Tank, my son. submitted by Quoiphish to aww [link] [comments]

2020.11.30 02:04 BaggieFarm Unsure what my ex really wants

Hi everyone,
My [26M] ex-girlfriend [24F] broke up with me about two months ago and I'm still left wondering what she wants/expects.
We dated for 3 years, where 2 years into the relationship she mentioned struggling with the idea that she had never really been single and that she felt like she needs to be alone and depend on herself for once. I was a mess after this conversation but nothing came of it and we dated for another year, actually living together for the last 6 months. She had a year of being single in undergrad, but I guess most of that was spent trying to get with me, so it wasn't really a "single phase" I guess.
I was somewhat "hard to get" at the beginning, and she used to tease me about how much she had to work to lock me down. She was very forward about wanting to marry me, have my kids, and she'd even tell guys at the bars that she had a fiancee already and she'd try to hook up her friends (pre-COVID obviously).
When we broke up, she told me that she didn't even want to break up, but knew that if she didn't experience whatever she feels like she's missing then she thinks she'll be unhappy in our future marriage and this could lead to cheating. She said that she's still very attracted to me (and just wants to have sex - even during our "closure" talk), still sees me as her future husband and father to her children, and that it was nothing I did as a boyfriend.
She said that it's killing her to think about me being with someone else, and that she fears that I'll move on and date someone fairly soon. She also joked that she bets she'll come "crawling back" at some point. She was hugging and kissing me a lot during this final talk, and we both cried, which made it really tough.
I guess my confusion is that it doesn't seem like she even wanted to break up? Does she just want to sleep with other people? I know that moving on and telling myself that there's no hope of getting back together is the right thing to do, but I've just been struggling lately. I feel like I would really love to be together with her again, but I think it would be nearly impossible to get past the thought/fact of her sleeping with other guys just to come back to me when she feels "ready".
I'm not sure what I'm looking for here, but if anyone has any advice, similar stories, etc. then that would be appreciated!
TL;DR: Ex broke up with me but everything is pointing towards them eventually coming back, what do I do?
submitted by BaggieFarm to BreakUps [link] [comments]

2020.11.30 02:04 poknutz Interested in meeting interesting interested people? You’ve come to the right subreddit!

[22F] Canadian looking to meet cool people!
deez pics of me
Hard to meet quality people these days especially during a pandemic!
A little about me; I’m 22, 5 foot 1 and a half on a good day and I’m an Interdisciplinary Designer. I’ve been dancing since I was 5 and I love to sing (not as good as I dance). I was also volleyball varsity for a bit and was a spiker despite my height- I like to think that that’s an accomplishment. I memories four chords on the guitar by heart it D A G C, I’m open to learn more lol. I’ve beaten someone at Mortal Kombat five straight times in a row which I’m proud to say. I used to write down the fatalities on notebooks to really perfect them haha. I also enjoy playing among us!
I laugh at my own jokes usually because I think they’re quite hilarious but the audience usually likes them- 50/50 chance usually. I’d like to say I’m quite an interesting person but that’d be completely biased so I think it’s best you make your own judgement! Not quite sure what else to say about me here but I’m interested and always eager to learn about new cool things!
P.S. It’d be awesome for you guys to add a photo of yourselves when sending a message. Usually a nicer experience to have a face of the person I’m chatting with. :)
submitted by poknutz to MakeNewFriendsHere [link] [comments]

2020.11.30 02:04 Lovelybabe02 Omg this reminds me of that one time

In high school I met a guy in r.o.p class and I really liked him and we’d talk and have sex after the bus dropped us off. Anyway that was like everyday and around prom time and I would ask him how come he hasn’t asked me out. And I was just so head over heels that I didn’t realize he was just a fuckboy using me. And I know cause some guy that I was friends with asked me to that prom , the same prom that guy I liked went to school. And so when I went to prom I saw him with some other girl holding hands and kissing. And immediately wanted to go home and did. I always get treated like some side piece that no one treats good. Like I’m not special. Fuck I thought I was done crying . But man I really see how much I don’t love myself anymore cause I let people take my soul away. I let all this pain define me and i don’t know how to change it. I want to love myself. I want be so happy. I want to feel loved. I want to feel special. I just want to feel like I’m worth it to someone. Or at least to myself. Why is it so hard to love myself
submitted by Lovelybabe02 to u/Lovelybabe02 [link] [comments]

2020.11.30 02:03 ShaunEames Returning player

So I started playing OSRS again last year around June and absolutely grinded it for like 3 months. Got a lot done in that time and really had a blast. Kinda hit a wall with it and never went back. I’m looking to get back into it sometime soon and was wondering if there were any people down to chill and talk/play with? I’ve been going through a super rough time as of late and would like some new people to get to know and hang with so to speak. I’m not down with the discord and so on so you’d have to talk me through on how to use it but I’d love to chill and hang with some like minded guys or gals. I’m 27 anyway if that holds any meaning.
submitted by ShaunEames to 2007scape [link] [comments]

2020.11.30 02:02 Yellow_Ambitious Can a marriage with an emotionally passive spouse survive?

My husband is perfect on paper. He loves me, he's loyal, respectful, good father, contributes financially. But I've come to realize that I can't lean on him when times are truly tough. He is very passive and avoidant of issues, big or small. All major problems in the marriage are things I've had to deal with on my own, while he retreated into avoidance and just waited for problems to go away on their own (and he admits to me he did this).
He used to behave like an adult-child in the family - did whatever his parents and in-laws expected him to do. Not surprisingly this created a humongous issue in our marriage, I had to force him to address it with counseling. Unfortunately, I feel like the damage was already permanent by then. I stopped seeing him as an adult, and more like a child trapped in a man's body. Our sex life and physical intimacy has suffered and we stopped being intimate because I just can't do it. He never talks about these things. We only talk about things between us if I bring it up.
If I'm sick, he becomes more sick. If I have a headache, he gets a bigger one. If I'm tired, he becomes more tired. If I'm sad, he becomes more sad. It's like he unconsciously wants to keep me at the head of the table and to always be the strong spouse so he doesn't have to be. I'm tired of this. I've told him this. I feel like I'm drowning, and he just sits there and watches me.
His argument is that he "acknowledges" the issues so why am I on his case? I do agree he acknowledges things verbally. Any time I've brought up major problems, he does listen and acknowledges it. Then that's it. He doesn't do anything proactively. I'm not talking about arguments over dishes or taking out the trash. I'm referring to very urgent matters such as concerns with the kids. We have a child who is increasingly depressed and I am trying so hard to do anything I can, but husband has just sat on the sidelines, and worst of all - he is a mental health professional.
I asked for separation earlier this year. I couldn't take it any more. I feel like I'm so alone and unsupported, and that I'm the only adult here trying to keep everyone's heads above water. Then covid happened and things went on pause. Now divorce talks are occurring again, and he's upset and emotional. I am racked with guilt. I think about what I said in the beginning of this post - those good qualities he has. I've read women divorce groups and see how so many are dealing with cheaters, abusers, alcoholics, guys who refuse to work etc, and I end up feeling that I'm deeply flawed for wanting out of a marriage with a good man.
I honestly don't know if I have it in me to try counseling again. I've been doing my own counseling this year. My husband hasn't done anything for himself, and I think he's only interested in counseling if it means marriage counseling for the two of us to stay together. I don't think he has any interest in bettering himself for himself.
Am I crazy for wanting out?
submitted by Yellow_Ambitious to Divorce [link] [comments]